Dear Crush Crawfish,
You're my hero! I wanna be just like you! I mean, you rule!! You don't take $@&!! from anybody!! Ain't nobody talk smack to you and live to talk about it!!! Tell me how I can change my daily routine to bring more of the Crush Crawfish essence into my life!!!
Love,
CrushCrawfishRules1171
MH Light Infantry
Barracks #7217
Maverick Hunter Headquarters
What's Wrong With You?
Dear Lonelyhuman0214,
The first step to a healthy relationship is being proactive. Can't get a reploid to like you? Buy an energy cage and immobilize him/her until s/he changes her mind. Can't get a human to like you? Well, I don't know what to do about that, but you can kill them to make sure they don't like anyone else. One of my coworkers maintains that a captive or dead date still counts as a date, so there you go. And if you're one of those weird X-types who thinks violence is wrong, it's not like violence never occurs on Valentine's Day. There was a massacre once. It's ancient history now. I think seven people died. Wait, seven? What the hell? That's not a massacre! That's not even a slaughter!
I must address the misuse of these words now. Anyway, I recommend going Maverick. We're never hurting for dates. Even when we hurt them.
Sincerely,
Crush Crawfish
Destruction God of the Seven Seas
Abandoned Warehouse, DoppleTown
The first step to a healthy relationship is being proactive. Can't get a reploid to like you? Buy an energy cage and immobilize him/her until s/he changes her mind. Can't get a human to like you? Well, I don't know what to do about that, but you can kill them to make sure they don't like anyone else. One of my coworkers maintains that a captive or dead date still counts as a date, so there you go. And if you're one of those weird X-types who thinks violence is wrong, it's not like violence never occurs on Valentine's Day. There was a massacre once. It's ancient history now. I think seven people died. Wait, seven? What the hell? That's not a massacre! That's not even a slaughter!
I must address the misuse of these words now. Anyway, I recommend going Maverick. We're never hurting for dates. Even when we hurt them.
Sincerely,
Crush Crawfish
Destruction God of the Seven Seas
Abandoned Warehouse, DoppleTown
Alone on Valentine's Day
02/14/2125
Dear Crush Crawfish,
I'm a single human living in Neo New York. I don't think I'm very picky but I just can't find a date! Those Maverick Hunters are super cute and since most of them go Maverick, Mavericks must be really hot too, right? I'm very liberal and am open to a relationship with a human or reploid but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to going Maverick for love (yet). I'm really desperate.
I understand that you're also struggling to maintain healthy relationships so I thought I would receive more practical advice from you than from MaverickAbby. Do you or your co-workers have any advice for me?
Sincerely,
Lonelyhuman0214
Dear Crush Crawfish,
I'm a single human living in Neo New York. I don't think I'm very picky but I just can't find a date! Those Maverick Hunters are super cute and since most of them go Maverick, Mavericks must be really hot too, right? I'm very liberal and am open to a relationship with a human or reploid but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to going Maverick for love (yet). I'm really desperate.
I understand that you're also struggling to maintain healthy relationships so I thought I would receive more practical advice from you than from MaverickAbby. Do you or your co-workers have any advice for me?
Sincerely,
Lonelyhuman0214
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